Crysi and Kagedtiger's Anime Newlyweds Gameetc
by Kagedtiger
Summary: An anime newlyweds game by Kagedtiger and Crysi. Couples include Omi and Yohji from Weiss Kreuz, Touga and Akio from Utena, and Zoisite and Kunzite from Sailor Moon.
1. Round 1

Crysi and Kagedtiger's Anime Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All) (And yes, "God Help Us All" *is* part of the title.)   
Round 1 - Introductions 

  


  
**Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that. **

Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page 

  


  


The sun shines cheerily over the Dueling arena of Ohtori Academy. "The Sunlit Garden" plays in the background as the camera pans over the audience. 

Stoic bishounen and genki fangirls sit on the outer ring of the arena and on the various bell towers. The fangrils cheerily show off their complimentary sporks and plushies as the bishounen sweatdrop at the squeals of "Ken-samaaaaa!" and "3x4 is absolutely *sweet* but I really like 1x2 as a visual thing." There is also a marked sense of unease in the seated bishounen. 

The two guests of honor sit at the front of the audience, surrounded by bishounen, much to their discomfort. The bishounen's discomfort, we mean. Kuwabara no Miko and Talya Firedancer cheerfully (or not so cheerfully, since we have no real way of gauging their moods) wave to the rest of the audience, who have been informed that these two are the guests of honor because the fic is for their slash contest, and what's a humorous fic to do but to unabashedly suck up to the originators of the Anime Newlyweds fics. (That would be Talya, for those who are wondering. Most aren't and have skipped this as they skip those warnings on yaoi pages. They are the ones who hit the enter button and end up on the Disney website.) 

From the shadows offstage, two Voices From Above (TM) are heard. 

Voice One: "I still can't believe I let you talk me into this." 

Voice Two: "Oh come on, you went along with the idea happily enough." There's a slight pause. "The bishounen look scared for some reason. You know, I *told* you that they'd heard about the Harry Potter thing, but would you listen? Nooooo." 

Voice One: "That was *your* fault. *You* came up with it." 

Voice Two: "Well *I* didn't bring Voldemort into the picture!" 

"HONK!" 

Voice Two: "What do you mean, don't speak into the mick? Oh, you mean mi...Oh hell." 

The Akio-car pulls out into the arena (from where, we do not know) and two girls jump out of the backseat. (No, you hentai people! Your minds will have plenty of time in the gutter later on! Geez.) 

The taller girl has brown hair and green eyes, and can be identified as voice two. "Hi everyone! I'm Crysi and this," She gestures to the other girl, "is Kagedtiger." 

Kagedtiger grins and waves her flyswatter at the audience. "Welcome to 'Crysi and Kagedtiger's Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All).' And yes, 'God Help Us All' *is* part of the title. Four lucky" she coughs, "couples will be here competing for a prize. A worthwhile prize. A fabulous prize. Crysi, what *is* the prize?" 

Crysi sweatdrops. "Well, it's...ummm....We'll find *something* good, don't you worry." 

A male voice calls out from backstage (somehow...) "You'd better come up with it before we start the show! *I'm* not competing for a Sailormoon CD!" 

Another voice adds, "And I'm sure as hell not swimming in jello!" 

Everyone turns and looks at Heero and Hiei, who sit in the audience and valiantly restain themselves from blowing things up....Well, change that to Kurama and Duo doing the restraining, and "violently" rather than "valiantly" and you've got the picture. 

Crysi pipes up, "The winning couple's members are exempt from mixing and matching and torture fics for 24 hours. Unless they enjoy that. Then we'll work something out." 

Soft murmuring from backstage (?!). Then, "Okay, that's good for two of the couples. Akio and Touga are on their own." 

There is an admirable synchronized sweatdrop performance by the hosts and the audience. 

Kagedtiger sighs. "Actually, the whole reason we're doing this is because Crysi thought that all the fanfics in the Yohji Slash Contest were too depressing, so we ought to liven things up a bit!" 

*Thwack* 

Kagedtiger rubs her head and glares at Crysi who is tucking her croquette mallet back into hammerspace. "OW! Well it's true!" 

"Anyway, let's introduce our couples, shall we?" Crysi pulls out three cards. "The first has a personal favorite of mine, as I am (one of) his Miko(s). Let's welcome, Zoisite and Kunzite!" 

The two walk out and sit one of four imported white leather couches that have appeared in the arena. Cheerful applause from the fangirls makes up for the mostly silent bishounen. 

Kagedtiger peers at the next card in Crysi's hand and grins. "And now, one of my favorite yaoi non-canon couples-" 

"Oh come on, it's almost completely canon," Crysi interjects. 

Kagedtiger frowns thoughtfully, then nods and waves towards the backstage. "The almost-canon couple, Touga and Akio!" 

Again the audience applauds as the two bishounen enter stage left and sit on the second couch. The camera focuses in on two girls (otherwise known as Karen and Becka) who are alternately drooling over Touga and cringing at the sight of Akio. 

Crysi grins. "Now for my favorite Weiss Kreuz couple, and the one for whom the almost guests of honor are here." She nods to KnM and Talya Firedancer. "Yohji and Omi!" 

The applause distinctly rises in volume as the two enter the spotlight and make their way to the third couch. 

Crysi shuffles the cards and blinks. "There's no fourth couple. Who's our fourth couple?" 

The two hosts glance at each other for a while, then Crysi says, "I'll let you take care of it while I...do some important stuff." She dashes to the Akio-car and yells "Go now! Hurry!" The car takes off like an Akio-car out of hell, leaving Kagedtiger in the dust. 

There is a short silence, then Kagedtiger turns to the audience. "Permanent exemption from the 'Hunting Bishounen' series goes to whoever catches her." The audience *and* the contestants dash after the Akio-car. Kagedtiger switches the music to "Jesse Hold On" and waits for their return. 

It's Kurama who carries Crysi back and sets her on the stage, much to the disappointment of those bishounen who really and truly feared what might be done to them on the next "Hunting Bishounen." 

Kunzite glances up at the speakers. "What kind of music is that?" 

Crysi sighs and turns to Kagedtiger. "We'll be thinking of a couple over the commercial break okay? And turn that music off. We have to get started." 

Kagedtiger pouts. "But I love that song!" 

"Just turn it off." 

"Fine." 

Crysi smiles wearily at the camera. "And now, to save our inexperienced-at-hosting butts, we have a short commercial break." 

  


  


- Go to the Commercial Break I Fast Forward to the Next Round -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously. 


	2. First Commercial Break

Crysi and Kagedtiger's Anime Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All) (And yes, "God Help Us All" *is* part of the title.)   
Commercial Break 

  


  
**Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that. **

Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page 

  


  


Voice Over: "Feeling down on your luck? Nothing seems to be going right? Well you need a change!" 

A random woman appears on the screen. "I found work with EO Inc. They helped me on my way to becoming a someone, to taking control of my life and dominating the world...around me. 

It flashes to a man wearing bright and cheery colors. "Evil Overlord Incorporated is more than a business. It's a list that can show people with little or no job satisfaction how to take control and conquer nations, destroying all that is good and right in their path to total domination." He smiles. "I'm not only the maintainer and beginner of the Evil Overlord List, but I am also an aspiring evil overlord. I highly recommend the list and look forward to crushing anyone who stands in my way." 

Voice Over: Evil Overlord Incorporated. Go to our website at http://minievil.eviloverlord.com/index.html for details on how you can become one of the people who control other's lives. 

  


  


- Go to the Next Round I Rewind to the Last Round -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously. 


	3. Round 2

Crysi and Kagedtiger's Anime Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All) (And yes, "God Help Us All" *is* part of the title.)   
Round 2 

  


  
**Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that. **

Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page 

  


  


Three couples and one empty couch now sit in the Dueling arena, the couch in shadow. (We, the authors, have long since stopped questioning things such as this. They make our heads all achy, and we fear that it will drive us from the harmless type of insanity to the evil type of insanity. We advise you to follow our lead and accept the strangeness.) 

Kagedtiger smiles. "Now, with out further delay, let's play the game! Our last couple will be announced when they first respond to a question." 

"Umm, Kagedtiger? Don't we need our question cards first?" Crysi searches her pockets. "I thought I had them, but I must have given them to you..." 

The smile never leaving her face, Kagedtiger turns around and reaches into hammerspace. "Of course. Now, where did I put them?" 

The co-host, contestants and audience all perform a simultaneous sweatdrop while Kagedtiger rummages through hammerspace, throwing things out behind her. 

"Umbrella. Cow. Socks. Digivice. Flute. Weird Al CD. A Pokemon." The Pikachu that appears from Hammerspace dives into the audience until it finds Satoshi, where it settles on his lap. Or, settles as well as it can with Shigeru occupying much of that space, anyway. 

"Flyswatter. Wanted poster. Phone. Address list. Pictures of Touga. Oops!" She glances guiltily at Touga, who flashes a Knee-Melting Smile (TM), which Kagedtiger sidesteps by diving back into Hammerspace, causing the full effect of it to fall onto Crysi, who melts into a small puddle. 

"Teddy bear. Broom. Magic wand. Nokoru's magic fan. Jewel Of Eternal Luck (TM). Wait, I might need that." She dons the necklace, and continue's searching. 

"Tie-dye bandana. Gackt poster. Jewel of Sporadic Genkiness (TM)." She drops this on the Crysi-puddle. "Marashino cherry. Duo-plushie with scythe. 'Chibi Touma's Yaoi Adeventure Game.' Nameless white substance. Hippie Chick. HIPPIE CHICK?!?" 

The tie-dye clad girl blinks and looks around. "Huh? What am I doing here?" 

Crysi re-forms and explains the situation to Hippie Chick while Kagedtiger continues to search through The Void. 

"Well, we're hosting an episode of the Newlywed Game, with some of our favorite bishounen couples." 

Hippie Chick beams. "Is Touga here?" 

"Yup." 

"WOOHOO!" Hippie Chick turns around and attempts to glomp Touga, only to be repelled by the force-field generated by Akio. 

"Oh, man," she groans, then looks at Yohji. "It's the John Lennon Guy!" She glomps Yohji (who unfortunately has no protection against such things) and smiles happily. Crysi pries her off and hands her a Yohji-chibi-neko, which she happily snuggles. The chibi-neko is heard to promise to give up smoking if some god, *any* god can get him out of it. 

"Sorry Hippie Chick. Hey, you wanna help us host?" Crysi helps Hippie Chick up and takes pity on the chibi-neko, prying it away from the other girl and releasing it. 

"Sure!" 

"I FOUND IT!" 

The two girls look over at Kagedtiger, who is triumphantly holding a stack of light lavender cards. "Alright, we're ready to start!" The three girls take their places on the host stools (after getting an extra one from Hammerspace for Hippie Chick) and Crysi cheerfully points out (becasue Crysi seems incapable of saying anything uncheerfully) that they have yet to establish which is the feminine counterpart. This task falls to the unfortunate Kagedtiger after a game of Jan-Ken-Pon, which we probably misspelled, but no one is perfect in this world, so we'll just whistle and look away. 

"Umm, in you relationship, who is the female counterpart?" 

The people in the audience look at Zoisite and Kunzite and make weak attempts to hide their giggles. Zoisite and Kunzite exchange glances. 

"Me," Kunzite states simply. The people goggle and turn to Zoisite, who simply grins. 

"I didn't see that one coming," mutters Crysi. 

"You're his miko," Kagedtiger hisses. "How could you not know?" 

Crysi shrugs. "Well, the next one won't be a surprise. Akio?" 

Akio snorts. "Him. Definitely him." 

Touga sighs and nods in agreement. "I hate to admit it, but me." 

Kagedtiger frowns and turns to Crysi. "Are any of these couples actually married?" 

Crysi stifles a snort (because that would link her in even a tiny way to Akio) and replies, "No. What's your point?" 

"Nothing, just curious. Omi?" 

Omi looks thoughtful. "I'd say... me." 

Yohji smiles at Omi and the two kiss. There are many 'Awwws' from the audience. 

"And finally, our last couple," Crysi gestures emphatically. "Ummm," she turns to Kagedtiger, "who are they anyway?" 

"I thought you were going to pick them!" They both glance at Hippie Chick, who shakes her head. 

"Well, go get someone. Whoever you can reach first from hammerspace!" 

"Alright." Kagedtiger nods and burrows into Hammerspace, retrieving two bishounen and throwing them onto the fourth couch. Heero(GW) and Yamato(Digimon) blink around at their surroundings. 

"Where are we?" demands Heero. 

The girls back away. "Well," ventures Hippie Chick, "you're in a Newlywed fic." 

Heero shoots the girls....A Glare of Doom (TM). "Omae o Korosu." 

Crysi bounces happily. "Yay! Now we're safe for life!" 

The audience, contestants, and co-hosts all sweatdrop. 

Hippie Chick turns to Kagedtiger. "I know Yama-sama, but who's the other bishie?" 

Kagedtiger sighs. "That, my friend, is what one would call a sane Farfarello." 

Hippie Chick blinks. "There is such a thing?" 

Kagedtiger nods sagely. 

"Anyway. Umm, Heero?" Crysi ventures, "who's the female counterpart in your... uh.... relationship?" 

"We're not in a relationship," Yamato states calmly, "We're not even from the same series." 

"Hn." Heero pauses to consider the question. "Well, it's him, but he would say me." 

Yama crosses his arms over his chest and says, "Damn straight." 

Crysi blinks and mutters, "Straight? Since when is anything or anyone here straight?" She shakes her head. "Okay, who's got the first question? It goes to the male counterpart." 

"I do!" Hippie Chick waves her hand in the air and pulls the top lavender card off the stack. She turns slightly green. 

"Do I have to read this?" Crysi leans over her shoulder and turns slightly pale. "Yes, I'm afraid so." 

Hippie Chick clears her throat. "Okay. Um.... Kunzite.... uh.... well...." 

Kagedtiger, who hasn't seen the question yet makes an impatient noise. "Well? Get on with it!" 

"Um. Whatisyourpartner'sfavoriteposition?" 

Kagedtiger blinks, then turns blue. 

(Note: No offense is meant in any way to the color blue. It is just as good as any other color. In fact, blue is a very nice color. Many people like it. Miki's hair is blue. This message brought to you by the Shameless Plug Association (SPA), the Blue Is Nice Chapter (SPABINC)) 

Zoisite shrugs. "No preference. Just me on top." 

Kunzite holds up a sign that reads, 

[Him on top.] 

Crysi nods. "That's okay. Ten points." 

"That wasn't so bad." Hippie Chick begins to regain some of her normal coloring. Then she remembers who's next. 

"Okay. Um, evil one?" 

Akio grins. "How specific to you want me to get?" 

Hippie Chick 'Eeps'. "Ten points! Next couple!" 

Yohji frowns thoughtfully. "Isn't this almost the same as the 'Who's the female counterpart' question?" 

Kagedtiger and Crysi sweatdrop and poke each other until Kagedtiger swats Crysi with her flyswatter. 

Crysi grimaces. "Ow! Well, you see Yohji-kun, it depends on how....ummm....detailed you, or rather your partner, will be when you answer. Zoisite and Kunzite's answer was a generalization. Akio and Touga's answer...." She studiously avoids looking at the pair who she *knows* are wearing cheshire cat grins. "....Would have been quite *cough* detailed." 

An anonymous fangirl (whose name is not Karen, of course) calls out, "But what if we WANTED those details?" 

She's joined by a general murmuring among the fangirls. The bishounen begin to edge away and generally try to hide. In a dignified and proper way, of course. Well...if you don't count the "Damnit, get out of my way's" and the general chaos. 

Kagedtiger sighs and pokes Hippie Chick, who says, "Oh yeah, Yohji, what's Omi's answer?" 

Yohji frowns slightly. "I think he'd say that he won't give exact details, but pretty much whatever he does with me." Yohji smirks as the other Weiss members in the audience give him incredulous looks. 

Omi gives Yohji a withering stare, but turns over the card, which reads, [Exactly what we do is private, but if I have to answer, I suppose whatever I do with Yohji.] 

Crysi grins. "Ten points! Good for you." 

Zoisite sniffs. "*I* didn't get a 'good for you.'" 

"Eh." 

Hippie Chick turns to the last....er....couple and sweatdrops. "Heero?" 

Heero shrugged. "He's going to say that we're not a couple, and that even if we were, it would be none of your business." 

Yamato looks dumbstruck and numbly holds up a card (don't ask us where he gets it from, considering we got these two at the last minute) which reads, [We're not a couple, and even if we were, it would be none of your business.] 

The hosts and audience blink *and* sweatdrop simultaneously, a feat rarely seen outside of trained professionals in performance. Or CLAMP manga. 

Hippie Chick hands the cards to Kagedtiger. "YOUR turn to ask a question like that." 

Kagedtiger pulls the top card off the pile. "What is your mate's favorite song?" 

Hippie Chick rips the card out of her hands. "Awww, no fair! How come you get a normal, non-sex-related question?" 

Crysi shrugs. "It is not our place to question. Well, it is, but not that way. We just question the people. Speaking of which...Zoisite?" 

Zoisite bites his lip and glares at a spot on the floor as if he'd like to set it on fire. Which is entirely possible, since he's capable of it....But that's not important. Akio smirks at him. "Sometime soon, I hope? There are other people waiting for a turn." 

Akio and Touga manage somehow to get off their couch before it becomes an icicle pincushion. Crysi and Hippie Chick run off to get another couch, leaving Kagedtiger all alone to host. 

Poor Kagedtiger. Poor, poor Kagedtiger. Poor, poor, poor.... 

CRYSI, CUT IT OUT! 

You get the picture. 

Kagedtiger sighs and turns to Zoisite. "Answer please." 

Zoisite shrugs. "I guess it would be 'Catch You, Catch Me'." 

Kagedtiger (and everyone in the audience who knows the song) sweatdrops. "Isn't that the first theme song for the 'Card Captor Sakura TV series?" 

Kunzite sighs and flips his card over. 

[Catch You, Catch Me. Anyone I catch laughing at that will die.] 

Crysi and Hippie Chick are back with the couch, and Akio and Touga sit down once again. "What did they say?" asks Crysi. 

"They said it was 'Catch You, Catch Me,' and they agreed on it." 

"Oh. Okay." 

Kagedtiger turns to Akio and Touga. 

"Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku. Absolutely," Akio declares. 

The hosts exchange looks and the audience murmurs, but Touga flips his sign over. 

[Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku] 

Hippie Chick frowns. "A song from his own series? Isn't that against nature or something?" 

Crysi shrugs "It's ten points anyway." She turns to Omi and Yohji. "Guys?" 

Yohji rolls his eyes. "Strawberry Fields. I think the Beatles are okay, but to listen to it for days on end...." 

Hippie Chick cheers. "The Beatles man, The Beatles are like, the best band ever. I worship them." 

Omi sighs and holds up his card. 

[Strawberry Fields. Yohji's really sick of it by now....] 

"Ten points," Kagedtiger says. "Heero and Yamato?" 

"Oretachi no Melody. Because it reminds him of one of the happiest times in his life." Heero glances over at Yamato as the other boy splutters. "Am I wrong?" 

Yamato sniffs and holds up his card. 

[Oretachi no Melody] 

"That's good for ten points. Everyone's doing unnaturally well so far...." Crysi makes a face. But that's what comes of getting people who've known each other for a long time, or...." She blinks at Heero and Yamato. "....Or something." 

"Anyhoo, let's go!" Crysi claps her hands excitedly. "One more question and we can go to commercial break!" She takes the cards from Kagedtiger and reads aloud, "What is your mate's favorite food?" 

The audience looks nonplussed at such an easy question. 

Crysi smiles. "Thank you, Dios." Dios waves from the audience. "Anyway, Zoisite?" 

Zoisite frowns. "Um, I'd say Kunzite's would be shaved ice. I think." 

Kunzite shakes his head. and holds up his sign, which reads [Italian food]. 

Zoisite looks very surprised. "What? I never knew you liked Italian!" 

Kunzite shrugs. "There are many things you don't know about me. I happen to enjoy Italian food." 

Crysi frowns. "Sorry, no points for that." 

Crysi turns to the second couple. "Um, A-Akio?" 

"Touga's favorite food would be cotton candy." 

Kagedtiger blinks. Crysi blinks. The audience blinks. Hippie Chick grins like an idiot, the grin doubling in size when Touga's sign informs them that it is in fact [Cotton candy. The pink kind.] 

"Ten points for you. Alright. Yohji, what is Omi's favorite food?" 

Yohji ponders. One may point out that Yohji is particularly lovely when he ponders. Not that we're drooling or anything. 

"Um, I guess.... anything, as long as its not celery." 

Omi smiles and jumps Yohji (who, of course, is sooooo dismayed at this, sense the saracsm), dropping the sign which Crysi picks up and displays for the audience: [Anyhting but celery]. "Ten points!" 

Crysi smiles and glances at the last couple.... or whatever. 

Yamato glares daggers at her. "How the hell would he know? It's vanilla ice cream." 

Heero smirks and holds up his answer, which, of course, is [vanilla ice cream]. Yamato's jaw drops about three feet. So do Crysi's and Hippie Chick's. 

Crysi then turns to Kagedtiger. "They did it backwards...." 

Kagedtiger frowns and pulls a book the size of a small car out of hammerspace. The title of the book reads *The Big Book of Rules for Various Fanfics, Including Games, Which Isn't Really All That Helpful But Looks Rather Impressive, Don't You Think?* Kagedtiger glances at Crysi. "I say we give it to them, since they *did* give the same answer...." 

"Alright, ten points." says Crysi after helping Kagedtiger shove the book back into hammerspace. "I guess it's time for a commercial break. We'll see you after these messages. Don't go away. Please." 

  


  


- Go to the Commercial Break I Fast Forward to the Next Round -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously. 


	4. Second Commercial Break

Crysi and Kagedtiger's Anime Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All) (And yes, "God Help Us All" *is* part of the title.)   
Commercial Break 

  


  
**Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that. **

Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page 

  


  


The scene opens on animals so cute that their eyes rival CLAMP characters in size. *Female* CLAMP characters. 

Female Voice-over: "Pets are nice. A cuddly puppy. Or a playful kitten maybe. SCREW THAT! Get your favorite bishounen at Pocket Bishonen!" 

The scene flashes over many different yummy boys, most of which have vast expanses of chest and/or wings showing. 

VO: "From Aburatsubo to Zoisite, we've got them all. And new ones are being added all the time. So come on and get your own lovable, huggable boy today! 

Gotta Glomp 'em All!" 

http://www.pocket-bishonen.com/ 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

The scene opens on what appears to be a busy office. A woman looks up and smiles at the camera. 

Woman: "Hello. Do you have a fanfic, business, show or program that you need a shameless plug for? Then you've come to the right place." 

The woman leads you down a busy hall. 

Woman: "Here at the Shameless Plug Association (SPA), we offer sponsoring for a variety of Shameless Plug Chapters (SPASPC) such as the popular Shoujo Kakumei Utena Chapter (SPASKUC) and the Joint Weiss Kreuz and Gundam Wing and Yuu Yuu Hakusho Chapter (SPAJWKaGWaYYHC)." 

The SPA logo appears on the screen. 

VO: S-P-A. Feeling stressed about your lack of business or hits? Don't go to a spa! Come to SPA! 

  


  


- Go to the Next Round I Rewind to the Last Round -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously. 


	5. Round 3

Crysi and Kagedtiger's Anime Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All) (And yes, "God Help Us All" *is* part of the title.)   
Round 3 

  


  
**Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that. **

Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page 

  


  


The girls smile at the camera. Hippie Chick begins. "Welcome back to 'Crysi and Kagedtiger's (And now also Hippie Chick's) Newlyweds Game, (God Help Us All)' And yes, 'God help us all' *is* part of the title." 

Narrowly avoiding a sweatdrop, Crysi says, "In round two, the questions will be answered by the female counterparts, which means Kunzite, Touga, Omi, and Yamato." 

Crysi hands the large stack of lavender cards to Hippie Chick, who closes her eyes and fearfully pulls the top card off the stack. She reads it, and does not qute turn purple. "Why do I always get the ecchi ones?" 

Kagedtiger leans over and reads the card. "What are you talking about? That's not ecchi!" The girl pauses. "Well...not compared to your last one anyway." 

Hippie Chick looks mournful as she shows the card to Crysi, who grins at the couples while thanking whatever deity might exist that she didn't get the question. 

"But think of the possibilities," groans Hippie Chick. 

Kagedtiger eyes Touga. "Oh, I am. Anyway, just read the question." 

Hippie Chick sighs the sigh of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chickens somewhere, and says, "Alright already. Kunzite, if your spouse- er, if your um...." 

"Mate?" Kagedtiger supplies oh-so-helpfully. Kunzite glares. 

"Life partner," Crysi offers cheerfully. 

Hippie Chick clears her throat. "If Zoisite got a tattoo, what would it be and where?" 

"Oh." Kunzite frowns. "I guess.... a pink rose on his back?" 

Zoisite shakes his head mournfully. Holding up his sign, the audience sees [A net pattern of ice design up my forearm]. 

Kunzite curses under his breath until he is distracted by Zoisite's hands, which are....well, nevermind. We won't go there. 

Crysi whines, "But I *want* to go there!" 

Kagedtiger shushes her. "Not while we have You-know-Who as a contestant." 

The girls glance apprehensively at the lavender-haired demon seated beside the crimson-haired angel. (That wold be Akio and Touga, respectively, though Touga is hardly an angel....) Crysi shudders. The Akio-car gallantly drives in front of her, determined to protect his beloved through fog, fire, or- 

STOP RIGHT THERE KAGEDTIGER! GIVE ME THAT KEYBOARD! 

jasfdiogyhaeioguhasojhvasoyugdasohdgsogauseiojf 

No! It's my turn to type! 

akl;sjgfaojtgasiohjgah87432uirg3276040432jb[k,/ 

Not if you're going to type stuff like that it's not! 

Kagedtiger glares at Crysi within the fic. "But your boyfriend- " 

Crysi scowls at the other girl. "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" 

HONK! The Akio-car would be looking at Crysi mournfully, (not that we like the word mournfully or anything. Incredulous is also a good word.) if it had eyes. 

"I'm sorry," she replies. "I know you saved me from Akio, but you're a car. It just wouldn't work out." 

Honk? "Well, we'll still be friends." 

Honk! 

"NANI?! HENTAI!" 

HONK! Honkhonk! 

"Why you little...." 

A large fight breaks out on stage, and Hippie Chick and Kagedtiger calmly move to the other side of the arena where Hippie Chick continues with the questioning. She turns to Zoisite and Kunzite. 

"Sorry guys, but no points for....Oh. You're busy. Well anyway, Touga? If Akio got a tattoo, what would it be and where?" 

"It would be a white rose. Probably on his chest." 

Akio holds up his sign, which has somehow gained a border of spinning roses, and which reads [A white rose on my chest]. 

"Yay! Touga-sama got it right! Yay! Ten points for you!" Hippie Chick smiles a large, happy smile of the kind that one gives anime characters like Touga and Van.... wi~ngs....drool....And he has to take his shirt off. Van.... 

*Thwack* 

Crysi, after teaching the Akio-car the *correct* way to speak to a lady, has come back and taken full control over the situation. She also has the keyboard now. (*g*) "We have a show to host here!" "Sorry." mutters Kagedtiger. 

Anyway, Hippie Chick moves onto the next couple. "Omi? Same question." 

Omi frowns slightly. "I'm really not sure....I don't think he'd get a tattoo, actually." 

Yohji smirks and holds up a sign. 

[Haven't thought about it. Probably won't get once, since Omi would yell at me.] 

Hippie Chick blinks for a few seconds, then shrugs. "Good enough." She gives Yamato a Look and says, "Are you going to answer the question?" 

Yamato glares at her and mutters, "I don't even *know* this guy." He glances at Heero, who matches him stare for stare. Yamato looks away first and mutters, "Hn." 

Crysi smiles at him. "Since this is a fanfic in which many cliche's are being used, that's entirely possible." 

Heero holds up his sign. 

[Hn.] 

Kagedtiger and Hippie Chick goggle, then both glare at Crysi. 

"What kind of a game do you think this is? And what kind of an answer is that?" Kagedtiger asks Crysi. 

Crysi opens her mouth to answer but is cut off. 

"It's a wacky game with unhappy contestants, insane hosts, and an audience that either a) wants to glomp the other half of the audience, or b) wants to do anything *but* be glomped by the other half of the audience. And it's the right answer." 

A simultaneous call of "Touga?" "Zechs?" and "Aya....I mean Ran?" rings out from the contestants. From the audience, there are also calls of "Pulse?" "Izumi?" "Hotohori?" and "Seishirou?" 

A redheaded-Koyasu-Takehito-bishounen (no, not Aya or Touga) strolls across the Dueling arena to the three hosts, two of whom cheer at the sight of him. 

"Aburatsubo!" 

"Rabid Monkey!" 

*THWACK* 

"Owwww..." 

Hippie Chick looks at them quizzically. "Aburatsubo?" 

Kagedtiger grins. "He's from Mahou Tsukai Tai. He's gorgeous (not the one from Maze. He's physically....you get the picture) and talented and smart and he's...." 

"Close-to-flaming gay!" Crysi grins and pats Hippie Chick on the head. "We showed you the Mahou Tsukai Tai OVA just so you could see him, remember?" 

"Oh yeah...." 

Aburatsubo smiles at the girls and says, "I don't suppose I could help you host...." 

Crysi and Kagedtiger share a glance. Well, we guess it should be two glances, but we don't want to start sounding like Piers Anthony, so we'll leave it at that. 

Crysi murmurs carefully, "What do *you* get out of it? I mean, no offense, but there's no reason to involve yourself in this fic...." 

"I want more shounen ai fans to write Mahou Tsukai Tai! fanfics, but I need publicity to spread the fandom. If this fanfic is posted on Kuwabara no Miko's site, it will get a lot of hits in a short amount of time, with her popularity, and so I can hope for more fans who will be on my side." Aburatsubo shrugs. "It's just an idea. Shameless Plug Association Council of Underappreciated Homosexual Bishouen Chapter (SPACoUHBC) and Shameless Plug Association Mahou Tsukai Tai! Chapter (SPAMTT!C) suggested it." 

Kagedtiger sighs. "Okay, Crysi, you ask the next question, and Hippie Chick and I will conference. Then you and Hippie Chick can conference as I ask the next question and all three of us can conference over the ad." 

Everyone manages to sweatdrop, but this time, rather than being synchronized, the sweatdrops come in unorganized spates. Such is the fate of the world. 

(*cough*) Kagedtiger has now wrested control of the keyboard from the melodramatic Crysi, and the story will now proceed. 

Crysi watches as the Kagedtiger and Hippie Chick go over to conference and glances at Aburatsubo. "Why don't *you* ask the next question, as long as they're busy? I don't mind you hosting the show." 

Aburatsubo smiles and takes the lavender cards from Crysi. He waves to the first couple to get their attention, then picks the card off the top of the stack. He manages to not look too disappointed at the lack of ecchiness (is that a word?). 

"What is your partner's greatest fear?" 

Zoisite smiles. "After what happened at the end of the first season? It's loosing me." 

Kuzite holds up his card. 

[Losing Zoisite.] 

The two snuggle in an endearing way. 

Crysi sighs and smiles at the couple. "I think this is time for a mass 'Awwww' moment." 

"Or *not*. We're next!" 

Aburatsubo sighs and turns to Touga and Akio. "That was the one who *doesn't* sound exactly like me, correct?" 

Touga nods. "Akio said that." 

Akio frowns gently (Akio doesn't scowl) at the crowd and says, "Well we *are* tied for first." 

"With three other couples," Omi points out. "Only Zoisite-san and Kunzite-san have missed any questions so far." Omi smiles cheerfully at Youji, who smiles back and pulls the boy in for a kiss. 

Yamato rolls his eyes. "Can we get on with this?" He then turns to Heero. "And don't touch me, if you please." 

"Hn." 

"Well, it's obvious," Touga remarks. "Akio's afraid of loosing his power over other people. . But the thing he's most afraid of is loosing his sex drive." 

Hippie Chick and Kagedtiger, who were walking back, cover their ears with their hands. "I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that. I did not hear that." 

Crysi blinks at them as they take their hands away. "He said that Akio's afraid of loosing his sex drive. Didn't you hear?" 

[Losing my sex drive.] 

Aburatsubo stifles a laugh and turns to Omi and Yohji, who have admirably restrained themselves from having a makeout session on the couch, much to the disappointment of most of the people present. "Loosing the people he loves," Omi murmurs softly and leans against Yohji, resting his head on the older man's shoulder. 

Yohji holds up a sign. 

[Losing people I love, especially Omi.] 

"AWWWWWW! That's so sweet," Kagedtiger says, sniffling. 

Everyone wipes their eyes and turns to the last couple. 

Yamato shrugs. "I have no idea." 

The hosts (including Aburatsubo, even though he's a guy and it's supposed to be reserved for women, but we bet Nokoru-sama could do it too) give Yamato a Look, then turn to Heero, who holds up a card. 

[Losing Duo.] 

There's much rapid blinking in response to this answer, but the hosts shrug, and the 1x2 and 2x1 fans in the audience cheer. 

Aburatsubo says, "So, no points. Nice try though." 

"Well....Not really," mutters Hippie Chick. 

Kagedtiger plucks the cards from Aburatsubo's hands and says, "You can host, but the next question is mine." She picks the top card off the pile. "When and where did you and your partner first meet?" 

Kunzite frowns and glances at Zoisite, who is glowering at him. He sighs and mutters something unintelligible. 

"What was that?" Kagedtiger asks. 

"I don't know." 

Aburatsubo gapes at him. "How can you not know? I know the *exact* time and place where I first met my Takeo-chan, and we're not even a couple, because of that useless burden Sawagonochi-kun." He sighs miserably at the end of his statement and Hippie Chick hands him a copy of *Les Miserables, the Unabridged Unabridged Version*. 

"You'll sympathize with Eponine," she says, smiling. 

Zoisite moves to the opposite end of the couch and holds up his card. 

[We met for the first time in....well, I don't remember, but I was twelve, he was eighteen, and we had sex in a nearby closet right then, right there.] 

Crysi blinks. "That *could* count, since he doesn't remember and Kunzite doesn't know...." 

"Nope." Kagedtiger shakes her head. "We have a time, although it's given by ages, and a place, namely 'somewhere near a closet'. And note that I'm not making a 'coming out of the closet joke,' although I could be." 

"Noted," the other three hosts call in unison, eliciting sweatrain from all directions. 

Kagedtiger turns to Akio and Touga. 

"I met him in the church, or the graveyard, when I was trying to save Utena from killing herself," Touga mutters in a low voice. 

Akio holds up a sign. 

[I met him in the church when I was saving Utena. He couldn't save her but I did.] 

Touga refuses to look at Akio as they are awarded the points. 

"Omi-kun?" 

"Ummmm....I guess I met him when Manx brought him to the Koneko flower shop and said he was going to be part of Weiss. Ken met him then too." Omi scratches his head. "But I guess that last thing isn't so important." 

Yohji smiles and holds up his sign. 

[We met when I was first introduced as a member of Weiss, in the Koneko flower shop.] "Ten points," Crysi declares briskly. "C'mon, let's get this show on the road. Yamato and Heero, what is your final answer?" 

*swat* 

"Ow!" Crysi rubs her head. "I'm sorry. Ian's been doing his Regis impression lately....I didn't even say the right thing." 

"I don't know what you mean." Yamato glares at the audience. "One, he is not my boyfriend. I already *have* a boyfriend. Two, the first time we met was *five* *minutes* *ago* right here on the show!" 

Heero holds up his sign, grinning. 

[Five minutes ago (that's the approximate time this question will be asked after we meet) on the stage of "Crysi, Kagedtiger, and Hippie Chick's Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All)."] 

Crysi claps. "What a brilliant answer Yama-sama! You'd almost think that you'd known Heero for a longer period of time!" She glances up at the sweatrain that is pouring down. "I said something genki and stupid again, didn't I?" 

Aburatsubo pats her shoulder. "Don't worry. It's time for a commercial break." 

The camera fades out to the mutterings of "How the heck did he know I was going to pull Hippie Chick out of Hammerspace?" and "Are you sure you're not a stalker?" 

  


  


- Go to the Commercial Break I Fast Forward to the Next Round -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously. 


	6. Third Commercial Break

Crysi and Kagedtiger's Anime Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All) (And yes, "God Help Us All" *is* part of the title.)   
Commercial Break 

  


  
**Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that. **

Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page 

  


  


Crysi and Kagedtiger appear on the screen in a heavily forested area, carrying things that look like deformed pokeballs with B's on them and butterfly nets. 

Crysi: "Hi, I'm Crysi, and this is Kagedtiger. Now, the Pocket Bishounen craze has taken off, and fangirls (and fanboys) across the globe can catch their own bishounen." 

Kagedtiger: "But so many people complain that there's no place they can see professional trainers in action, catching bishounen in the wild, natural habitats and observing natural bishounen behavior." 

Crysi: "Our new television series, 'Hunting Bishounen,' is the answer. Watch as we, two professionals, deal with the ups and downs of bishounen hunting and learn valuable tips and tricks for catching your own Heero's, Duo's, Omi's and Yohji's!" 

The PokeBishounen logo appears on the screen. 

VO: "Remember, hunting bishounen is not only a way of life. It's now a TV show!" 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

A serious-looking Tsukino Usagi appears on the screen. 

Usagi: "Do you know how many chibi-nekos are abused during one year?" 

The scene switches to footage of chibi-neko Gundam Wing boys, chibi-neko Weiss boys, chibi-neko Rourouni Kenshin characters, and other chibi-neko from many series. They're milling around in back alleys and dirty buildings. They all have huge (Think CLAMP style but bigger) eyes and stare at the cameras. 

Usagi (VO): I used to see scenes like this and think it was nothing. I used to ignore them just like everyone else. 

The scene shifts back to Usagi, who has tears running down her cheeks. 

Usagi: But now I realize that all of us must do our part. The chibi-nekos are vital, living creatures who deserve to be treated with the respect and kindness that all living creatures should receive. 

The scene shifts back to the chibi-nekos. 

Usagi (VO): Don't let more scenes like these become real. You can help by sending your donation to the "Brighter Future for Chibi Nekos Foundation." Just one call can make all the difference. The number is 555-WECA extention REF-ORC-HIB-INE-KOS. Please, make your call today." 

  


  


- Go to the Next Round I Rewind to the Last Round -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously. 


	7. Round 4

Crysi and Kagedtiger's Anime Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All) (And yes, "God Help Us All" *is* part of the title.)   
Round 4 

  


  
**Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that. **

Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page 

  


  


The camera pans in on Aburatsubo who smiles in that *way* (like Nokoru-sama, except different, because Aburatsubo is cool and all but Nokoru-sama obviously has a league of his own) and says, "Welcome back to 'Crysi, Kagedtiger, and Hippie Chick's Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All)', and yes, 'God Help Us All' *is* part of the title. At the beginning of round three, the score is Zoisite and Kunzite trailing bigtime with thirty, Yamato and Heero in second with fifty, and the other two couples tied for first with a perfect score of sixty. Now, Hippie Chick gets the first question of this round." 

He turns to Hippie Chick, who eyes the cards fearfully. 

"No way man. I refuse to read another ecchi question! Aburatsubo, you can do it." Hippie Chick stomps across the stage. 

Kagedtiger frowns. "Hey, Crysi, shouldn't we have eliminated two teams before this round?" 

"It's *our* game, Kage-chan. I want to see their answers for this round, and darnit, I'm gonna!" Crysi cheerfully grins at Zoisite and Kunzite in particular, both of whom cringe. 

Aburatsubo shrugs, using his mad bishounen skillz to ignore the high pitched voice of a fangirl, and pulls the top card off the lavender stack, reading aloud to Zoisite and Kunzite, "What is your partner's favorite anime?" 

Hippie Chick swears fluently, until Kagedtiger is forced to put her into Hammerspace for a timeout. Crysi objects until Kagedtiger points out that there's an Omi on the stage. Omi looks quite insulted at this. In any case, the hosts turn expectantly to look at Zoisite. 

Zoisite bites his lip and then sighs. "I didn't think that Kunzite watched anime. I don't know." 

Kunzite holds up his card, which says, [I don't normally watch anime, but if I had to pick one, it would be Mahou Tsukai Tai.] 

Kagedtiger turns to Crysi. "Should we count that?" 

Crysi thinks. Obviously a strain. 

*Thwack* 

OW! 

"No," she says slowly, "because Kunzite did actually give an answer." The two girls look at Aburatsubo, who is still grinning at that last answer. He blows a kiss at Kunzite and, after avoiding a storm of ice shards followed by a small inferno, which causes most of the audience to run away and find fire extinguishers and my, isn't this sentence long, turns to Akio and Touga. Meanwhile, Kagedtiger digs Hippie Chick out of Hammerspace and sets her back on her stool. Hippie Chick sulks for a few seconds, but then brightens up when she realizes that she is going to find out Touga's favorite anime. 

Akio doesn't scowl, because, as has been said before, Akio just doesn't *do* that. However, he does look slightly perplexed. "I believe he was a big supporter of Fake a while back, but I don't know if he still is." 

Touga shakes his head and holds up his sign. [Shoujo Kakumei Utena.] 

Akio looks startled, which happens rarely, but *does* happen, and Hippie Chick mumbles something about rule books and egos. 

Crysi frowns. "Is that allowed? Is that legal?" 

"Eh, let it go," replies Kagedtiger. "It'll just make your head hurt if you try to think." 

*THWACK* 

"OW! I didn't mean it *that* way!" 

Aburatsubo recovers from an almost-sweatdrop, because, after all, he only does that if Takeo says something stupid, and gallantly marches onward with the question. 

"Yohji?" 

"Well, it's not Weiss Kreuz. He's far too emotionally involved with our series because of the torture he goes through. I know it's not one of the anime represented here." He gestures to the other contestants. Maybe it's....Samurai Troopers?" 

Omi glares at Yohji holds up his card. [Fujimi Symphony Orchestra] 

"Hm," Yohji leans back into the couch. "Well, that would have been my next guess." 

Crysi, Kagedtiger, and Hippie Chick sputter for a few moments....well, more than a few moments.....Long enough that Aburatsubo needs to take over hosting until they can stop laughing, crying, and screaming all at once. 

Aburatsubo looks toward the last couch, where the two contestants are sitting on the far opposite ends, one muttering, one glaring stonily. (It's up to you to guess with is which.) 

Heero looks at his partner....or something. "Weiss Kruez." 

Omi and Yohji look about as poleaxed as Yamato, who holds up his sign which says [Weiss Kreuz.] 

The audience snickers a bit, but it's mostly hentai fangirls who are snickering, which, although they make up more than half the audience, is not a significant amount of people. Well, it is, but 

CRYSI! 

Right. Aaaaanycard. 

"Ten points," calls Hippie Chick. 

Kagedtiger rubs her hands together gleefully. "My turn! My turn! She picks up the top card and reads, "If your spouse- er, whatever, were an animal, what kind of animal would they be?" 

Zoisite glances at Kunzite, trying not to giggle. "Kunzite would be a snow leopard, I'm pretty sure." 

Kunzite smiles (not grins, because Kunzite grinning is like Akio scowling, it just doesn't happen), and gives the answer. 

[Snow Leopard.] 

"Ten points! Finally! Now, Akio?" 

Akio looks at his mate, and smirks. "He'll say kitten." 

Touga holds up his sign, which reads, [Sex Kitten.] 

The girls go into a huddle, and finally Kagedtiger pokes her head out and says "Negative, sorry, it's not the same thing." 

Akio scowls. (Apparently we were wrong. He *can* scowl in certain situations. ::shudder:: It's freaky though.) Kagedtiger tallies the score in her head, mumbling, "Forty, sixty, seventy, seventy. Alright. Now, Yohji?" 

Yohji looks at his adorable little boy, whom we all absolutely love becuase of the absolute emotional torture which he goes through in his series, which, on the Kagedtiger Scale of Poors rates a 

KAGEDTIGER! 

-erm, anyway, Yohji says, "Well, am I allowed to say dove?" 

Omi smiles, and holds up his card. [Dove. At least that's what he'll say. It's not true, but he's going to say it.] 

Crysi glances at Kagedtiger. "Isn't *Yohji* supposed to match *Omi's* answer?" 

Kagedtiger shrugs. "Who cares? They got it right, didn't they?" 

Yohji grins, and the two.... anyway, on to the next couple. Much to the disappointment of the people reading this fic. 

Kagedtiger turns to the last couple. "Heero, what is Yamato?" 

"You mean besides paranoid?" 

Yamato gives Heero a dark look, but wisely refrains from attempting to hurt him. 

"Yes, other than that." 

"A wolf." 

[A wolf.] 

Yamato moves to sit on the arm of the couch, as far from Heero as he is allowed. "I'm going to stop questioning how he does that. I'm not sure I want to know." 

"Good idea." Kagedtiger turns to Hippie Chick, who is still sulking. She rolls her eyes and turns to Crysi. "Hey Crysi, would you let her read your question, please?" 

Crysi looks at the pathetically drooping Hippie Chick. "Sure." 

Hippie Chick perks up and draws the top card off the pile. There is a resounding crash as she falls, anime style, off her stool. "No! Who writes these things anyway?!" 

Crysi grins. "We do." 

"Oh. Well that explains it." Hippie Chick easily avoids the hurt looks that Kagedtiger and Crysi give her. Probably because they're fake hurt looks. As the two once said, "We're lying about the virgin minds thing, of course. Our minds have made a nice little home in the gutter. We get cable there." Anyhoo.... 

Kagedtiger reads the card over Hippie Chick's shoulder. "Oh, that's not so bad! So, are you going to read that or what?" 

Hippie Chick sighs. "I asked for this, didn't I? Well, okay. So, Zoisite, what word that begins with an "s" best describes Kunzite?" 

"Um, sensitive." 

Kunzite smiles. "You think I'm sensitive?" 

Zoisite smiles back. "You know it babe." 

"Babe? Kagedtiger, GIVE ME THAT KEYBOARD!" 

"No! You've had it through most of the fic! Let someone else have a go!" 

"Not if you're typing stuff like that!" 

Ignoring the wacky antics of those irresponsible kids, Kunzite holds up his sign, which does in fact read [sensitive.] 

Kagedtiger, Crysi, and Hippie Chick blink, as does Aburatsubo, but in the way that only Aburatsubo blinks. (Note that we could have gone on a long ramble about how only Aburatsubo blinks in that *way,* his own special brand of blink, which is kind of like Nokoru-sama's except not, and don't Nokoru-sama and Idomu and/or Suoh make a great couple, but we didn't ramble, so there. Wait a minute....) 

As the fight continues in the background, Hippie Chick turns to the second couple. "O~okay. Anyway. Akio? What word beginning with an "s" best describes Touga. And don't say...." 

"Sex?" Akio supplies. "How about sex-toy? Or sexual?" 

Crysi and Kagedtiger come back, resovled to share the keyboard fairly (Crysi=100% Kagedtiger=1%, with a 1% margin of error) and Crysi says, "You *do* know that we have to take that as your answer, right?" 

Akio flashes a knee-melting smile, sending everyone running. 

Hippie Chick is the first to return. "Nevermind," she mutters. "Touga? Was he right?" 

Touga holds up his sign, and two girls in the front row, who shall go unnamed, but start with a "B" and a "K" and rhyme with Baren and Kecka, cheer at the answer. [Superior] 

"Sorry Touga-sama. Anyway, John Le- er.... Yohji?" 

"Omi is sincere. Also sweet, but he'd say sincere." 

Omi gives his oh-so-sweet little boy smile that lets you *know* that he was oh-so-sweet jailbait at one point in time. "You know me too well, love." 

[Sincere] 

Kagedtiger cheers, and Hippie Chick, who is making the best of a bad situation, turns to the final couple. "Heero? What is Yama's word?" 

"Yamato is self-assured." 

[Self-assured] 

Yamato makes a valiant attempt at a patented Heero Yuy Glare o' Doom, but fails. Just barely, though. "Are you *sure* you're not a stalker?" 

"Hn." 

"Alrighty. Ten points. So, the score, as it stands, is Zoisite and Kunzite with fifty." 

Applause from the audience and hosts, snickers from Akio, and a new non-icicle-ridden couch for the second couple result. 

"Akio and Touga with sixty." 

Applause from the audience and hosts, dark looks from Zoisite, and another new non-icicle-ridden couch for the second couple result. 

"Omi and Yohji with eighty." 

Wild cheering from the crowd and the hosts and mild applause from the other contestants result. 

"And Heero and Yamato with eighty." 

Two quickly stifled claps from an audience member and incredulous looks from the rest result. 

"Well," says Kagedtiger, "it's pretty obvious who our two finalist couples are." She frowns at Heero and Yamato. "After this break, we'll come back with a tie-breaker question. Don't go away." 

  


  


- Go to the Commercial Break I Fast Forward to the Next Round -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously. 


	8. Fourth Commercial Break

Crysi and Kagedtiger's Anime Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All) (And yes, "God Help Us All" *is* part of the title.)   
Commercial Break 

  


  
**Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that. **

Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page 

  


  


VO: "Do you desire to live out the rest of your life in what could be known as a prison? Or a torture chamber? What some have called evil, manipulating, and.... 

Heaven on Earth?" 

The Voice-Over person steps into the camera's view. "Hello. I am called Luke. I speak for the Sity Overlords. Come to our lovely Sity. The Sity of Social Stoners is a place for not-quite-kosher-activity and fish- er..." Luke frowns at his cue-cards. "Um, anyway. Come down we guarantee that once you come, you won't want to go back. Not that you could anyway." 

The Sity of Social Stoners. Coming Soon. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

THIS SPACE FOR RENT (Not the show, it's....well, you know.) 

  


  


- Go to the Next Round I Rewind to the Last Round -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously. 


	9. Final Round

Crysi and Kagedtiger's Anime Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All) (And yes, "God Help Us All" *is* part of the title.)   
Bonus Round 

  


  
**Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that. **

Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page 

  


  


The hosts wave to the camera, as do Yohji and Omi. The contestants now stand in the middle of the floor with the hosts. 

Crysi bounces O.O 

*THWACK* 

What *are* you, a skirt-chasing version of Kiryuu Touma? 

The real Touma (we apologize for using him, but we're sure he wouldn't stay silent for this) is heard to scream in the distance. 

Anyhoo. Crysi bounces to the center of the arena "We're back with 'Crysi, Kagedtiger, and Hippie Chick's Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All)' and yes, 'God Help Us All' *is* part of the title. Also co-hosted by Aburatsubo." 

"So, we have a tie." Crysi looks at the two winning couples. Specifically at Yohji. 

Yohji.... 

Eh? Why am I looking at Yohji? It's Hippie Chick that worships him as a demi-god and the Near-Ultimate-John-Lennon-Guy (the Ultimate-John-Lennon-Guy is Dryden) not me. 

Why are you typing that out? Don't type that! 

Eh? 

*SWAT* 

"OW! Ay Dios mio...." 

Kagedtiger rolls her eyes and hands the cards to Aburatsubo. "Anyway, here's Aburatsubo with the tie-breaker question." 

Aburatsubo picks the top card off the stack, reading, "Does your spouse have a catch phrase? And if so, what? This is for the female counterparts." 

"Ummm....Kage-chan? Shouldn't we have those soundproof booth things?" Crysi asks. 

Kagedtiger shrugs. "We spent all our money on pastel sparklies and new couches and so we couldn't afford 'em. Why do you think we did this in Ohtori?" 

The audience sweatdrops. 

Crysi blinks. "Okay....Omi? Your answer, please." 

Omi looks up at Yohji, with those sweet, innocent blue eyes which go so well with that 

Kagedtiger! 

Fine. 

Omi looks at Yohji, frowing with that cute little pout of his. You know the one. "Well, I don't think yelling 'ASUKA' counts, so, I guess, none." 

A pained look flashes across Yohji's face and Omi contritely begs forgiveness. Well....He's on his knees....Ahem. Yohji agrees that he has no catch phrase, and the two wander off.... 

Hippie Chick is the only host who was polite enough *not* to follow Yohji and Omi, so she asks the question. "Alright. Now, Yamato? What is Heero's catch phrase?" 

"It's 'Omae o Korosu.' Everyone knows that." Seeing the incredulous looks on the faces of the audience members, Yamato sighs. "Takeru loves that show." 

The major reaction can be described as "Oh." 

Heero scowls and mutters, "I refuse to say it. I have no reason to say it right now." 

Hippie Chick glomps Heero (for no apparent reason, other than she's probably not all-too-well after this whole game as a host....) Heero splutters and says, "Omae o korosu!" 

The audience sweatdrops, the hosts sigh, and Hippie Chick is assured that she is forever safe from Heero Yuy. Of course, this also means that there is no winner.... 

"Um.... okay.... what do we do now?" Crysi turns to an equally bewildered Kagedtiger. 

"Um, I guess we do a challenge." 

Heero pries Hippie Chick off and pulls his gun out of....hammerspace. 

Crysi gestures for Heero to calm down. "I said there would be no swimming in jello, and I'm sticking by that. It isn't a physical challenge at all." Hippie Chick, who has not read the other Newlywed fics, looks strangely at Heero, then looks at Crysi, and finally shakes her head. "I don't want to know. I really don't want to know." 

Kagedtiger reaches into Hammerspace and pulls out two pieces of paper and two pencils. She hands one of each to each couple. 

"Now, you'll use these for the challenge." Kagedtiger reaches once more into Hammerspace and pulls out a stack of gold cards. She hands them to Aburatsubo. "If you'd read the challenge?" 

"Of course." He takes the top card. "Write down the names of as many people as you can think of that Kiryuu Touma has slept with. You have two minutes. Go. Hint: There will be no female names on your list." 

The two guests of honor cheer, and the couples begin writing. 

"Names can be female?" 

*SWAT* 

"OW!" 

*** 

"Alright, times up!" Kagedtiger picks up the two lists and displays them before the camera. 

**Omi and Yohji**  
Miru-Miru   
Crawford   
Nagi   
Yohji   
Karsh   
Hayama   
Koganei   
Tokiya   
Kenji   
Kurei   


**Yamato and Heero**  
Karsh   
Hayama   
Yohji   
Nagi   
Crawford   
Yuugi (?)   


There's a bit of a commotion from one area of the audience at the last name on Heero and Yamato's list. Luckily, the fangirls glomp Jounouchi before he can get to the stage to be shot by Heero. 

Crysi grins. "And the winners are.... Yohji and Omi!" 

The crowd erupts into cheers. Kagedtiger pulls a cord in Hammerspace which causes pastel sparklies of the kind in CLAMP anime to rain down on the arena, causing many a romantic scene, some inadvertantly. But no RanxKen, we're sad to say, as it is verboten in the presence of Kuwabara no Miko. The fangirls dance the wild "Worship of the Many-Times-Glomped-Yet-Ever-Stoic Bishounen" salsa and there is much glomping and merriment. 

Crysi smiles and scans the audience, stopping dead, well not dead, but....oh, you know. She stops dead still when she notices Heero, who is still sitting in the same place as when they started, and is still being restrained by Duo. Well, not really restrained anymore, but....you get the picture. Damn, we didn't know you could do that on a bleacher-type bench.... 

She looks confusedly back between him and the Heero who is still on stage. "What? Who? When? How? Why? Whiiiiich?" 

Kagedtiger grins. "You told me to get the first people that came to hand, remember? One of them just happened to be my captured Heero from Pocket Bishounen. How else do you think he knew so much about Yama-sama? You know how much I talk about him." 

Crysi shakes her head, then blinks as a thought hits her. Like a brick. "But, is that legal? 

"Well, they didn't win, did they?" Kagedtiger pulls a cord in Hammerspace which releases even more pastel sparklies then are in all the CLAMP manga combined. (And believe you us, that stuff is *expensive*.) 

"No, I suppose not." 

The hosts turn to the camera, with the party in the background. 

"Anyway, I'm Lady Crysiana." 

"I'm Kagedtiger." 

"I'm Hippie Chick." 

"And I'm Aburatsubo." 

"Good night, and peace out!" 

"Luuurve and Peace everyone!" 

"Lurve? What's a Lurve?" 

As the scene fades out, two last shouts can be heard. 

"Hey! You don't *write* Weiss Kreuz fanfic! What good is your promise not to mix and match if...." 

"We won't lie to you. Bye!" 

The screen goes blank to the sound of Kagedtiger, Crysi, and Hippie Chick running like Akio-cars out of hell. 

  


  


- Watch the Credits I Rewind to the Beginning -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously. 


	10. Credits

Crysi and Kagedtiger's Anime Newlyweds Game (God Help Us All) (And yes, "God Help Us All" *is* part of the title.)   
Credits 

  


  
**Warning/Note: Insanity reigns as usual, but at least this one is humorous on its own. Mildly, anyway. I blame Crysi for that. **

Other Note: This show (ours, not the original) first aired LIVE at the Kudou Yohji Slash Competition at Kuwabara no Miko's Weiss Kruez Page 

  


  


Oh geez....Well, none of the series mentioned belong to us, except for Hunting Bishounen, which also contains people who don't belong to us. SPA and all of its Chapters *do* belong to us, as does the "Brighter Future for Chibi Nekos Foundation." The Sity of Social Stoners belongs to the Tie-Dye Bandanna Brigade, of which we are members. 

Karen and Becka belong to themselves, we think. 

Kuwabara no Miko and Talya Firedancer belong to themselves, unless they belong to someone else, in which case they don't. Kiryuu Touma definitely belongs to KnM and Talya Firedancer, and we happily lay no claim to his creation. 

No profit was made from any of the above, except the Sity of Social Stoners, and even that was just a little Monopoly money that Kagedtiger bet while playing poker with her cat. We don't own Monopoly either. Kagedtiger does own the cat. 

  


  


- Rewind to the Beginning I Rewind to the Last Round -

  


  
Oh God, that was hideous. Take me back.   
or   
Oh God, that was hideous. Let me complain to the author, or the other author, or both simultaneously. 


End file.
